Pre-Alaska

"I leave for Alaska in a little over two weeks"-

This morning I went to the gym as I routinely do every few days. Since the gym in Woodstock is very small I often bump into and chat with people from town. Today, in between sweating to death on the eliptical machine and killing myself with free weights, I ran into Greg from Woodstock Library's "Menu For The Future" workshop. After our conversation about my job in Alaska and some delicious sounding new recipes to bake, I tried to calculate the time I have left before I leave for Alaska.
....Seventeen Days!!!!
Suddenly everything felt different. I leave for a huge change in lifestyle in only seventeen days... I had to ask myself... am I ready?

This question has a very simple answer, yes or no. But choosing an answer is actually quite complicated. After having spent the past eight months sitting at home watching TV, substituting at my old high school, skiing and going to Boston whenever, I'm afraid that I've become a bit lazy. It is easy to go to the gym instead of running outside, and it is easy to have the freedom to leave and do anything I want. When I leave to go to Alaska, I am not only heading for the last partial frontier in the United States, but I am committing myself to a sustainable lifestyle on an organic farm and to a job that requires me to be constantly aware, flexible and at the mercy of Fairbanks elementary school students.

But I also have to think about how exciting it is to be going to Alaska and to be learning about organic farming. Not to mention I have willingly flung myself into various difficult situations in the past. I tell myself that going from the quaint New England village of Woodstock, Vermont to the politically charged city of Washington, DC was no easy task. Spending four weeks camping outdoors working on the Appalachian Trail and inhaling mosquitoes was no less challenging. Certainly leaving the United States to study the language and culture of Spain during my junior year at GWU was a feat in itself. And interviewing Holocaust survivors in two cities and writing a senior thesis on their legacies has to count for something right? Living without running water and electric heat, working on a farm, and organizing Field Trips should be easy....

But am I ready......

The more I think about the answer to that question the more I believe that it doesn't exist. What I know is that it is exciting to finally be beginning a new part of my life. I don't know where this journey will take me, and I don't know if I can possibly anticipate the hard lessons I will learn at Calypso Farm. All I can do is wait and prepare myself as much as possible for April 6th.

So for the moment I think that I will sit back and savor the sensation of not knowing.. and accept that I have no real answer to the question, "am I ready?"